Confessions of a Former Adrenaline Addict

Note: I decided to dispense with the recipe challenge. There was so little participation, I would feel badly about choosing from just a few people. I will probably try the submitted recipes, though, and let you know my family's rating.

Sitting here preparing to do a home post, I'm feeling a bit like a hypocrite. I ate dinner at my mom's house tonight, my kitchen floor needs a good mopping, there is laundry piled up in my laundry room and it will take me a good half hour in the morning to do the "pick up and put away" routine. Then I remember that I'm not here to set the perfect example of a housekeeper (though I'm working on it!) but to encourage you as keeper of your home.

You see, there was a time when I wasn't too thrilled about my house. I always wanted to go "out" and to "get away". I'm certainly not an expert on adrenaline addiction having only recently heard of it, but I think I was a victim in the early days of my home-keeping. I grew up in a busy pastor's home where something was always going on, someone was always there or we weren't there. If you're a PK, you might be able to relate. If not, just trust me on this one.

I married a normal guy that actually liked to live in his home. (Imagine!) A perfect evening for him was lounging on the couch to take a nap after a busy work day. Not that I ever let him indulge! No, not in those early days. "Let's go somewhere!" Let's do something!" I would whine plead.

I tried to keep this up after my daughter was born--running from here to there all day long and trying to get my husband to do the same when he got home. To make a long story short, I frustrated my daughter and myself (My Man was already sufficiently frustrated!). After much prayer, trial and error, I finally learned (and I'm still learning!) from my husband and Godly women how to enjoy my home. Song lyrics from one of my favorite singers say it well:

There are beautiful houses sitting empty all day
Busyness taking the living away
It's time and attention the family cries for
Home ought to be so much more.

A young mother longs for a listening ear
When she needs to talk,
Her husband's not near
They go through the motions but something has died
Empty attempts with no love inside.

A young boy came home from school
And no one was there
He turned to his friends to find someone who'd care
Oh! how he'd love to have his mother around
But she's gone again and not to be found.

Is there anyone home?
Is there anyone home?
Where is the light in the window?
Hearts need a place of their own.
Is there anyone home?
Is there anyone home?
We all need a place to feel
Love that's alive and real
Hearts need a place to call home.

Recently my sister came from another state for a visit. One day she called to say she was coming over to take me and the kids to the mall with her. Wanting to oblige her since I don't see her often, I packed up the kids who were happily playing and met her at the mall. After two back-breaking hours of carrying my baby around in the sling, chasing my 3-year-old down a million times and watching the kids ride the little coin-operated rides (not with my coins--Grandma's and Auntie's!), I had made one small purchase and was completely exhausted. As we were headed out, I noticed my sister hadn't bought a thing. "Why did you come if you weren't going to buy anything?" I asked curiously. "Oh, I just thought you needed to get out of the house," was her reply.

How do you enjoy your home?

What's the Real Problem?

I was recently in a high school cafeteria for an event. I was looking around remembering what it was like to be in high school, when I saw two posters on the wall that interested me. One of them was a picture of a high school girl holding a beautiful newborn baby. The caption read, "It's like an 18 year jail sentence." Hanging next to it was another picture, this one of a high school boy in a football uniform holding a newborn baby like one would hold a football. Its caption stated, "Seven pounds can keep you off the football team." My first thought was, "I'm glad they are warning students about having a child in high school", but as I thought more about it, it began to bother me. A jail sentence is not what I anticipated when I held my newborn nor is it what I am experiencing. And holding life in your hands should be so much more significant than a piece of leather!

I agree that it is not good for high school students to be parents. They are not ready for that responsibility. However, the message the posters were sending was that children are the problem and that children are to be avoided at all costs.

Yes, what a cost! Abortions are robbing girls of much more than a baby. Hormonal birth control is handed out like candy, threatening the birth of future children to that high school student. The intimate relationships in which these allow minors to participate are far more harmful than the innocent little child born because of those unions. Since high school students are not ready for a committed, monogamous relationship, they often do not confine these relationships to one person; therefore sexually transmitted diseases are rampant.

Oh, but we have that taken care of! We pass out "protection" to our children and smile and tell them that we know they will "experiment"--that this is normal--just do it safely. That is as ridiculous as passing out bullet-proof vests in schools because we know that "kids will be kids" and someone will probably be bringing a gun.

And what happens later....later when these high school students are out of college and are ready "to settle down"? They have been so consistently trained that children are the problem and an impediment to freedom and real success in life, that they avoid having children altogether. Or, they give birth to a child just so they can have the experience of being a parent, but invest little time in them. At the same time, the behaviors which were ignored by the high school counselors and pharmaceutical companies--uncommitted sexual relationships, an unrealistic view of love and disposing of anything or anyone that might be a hindrance to freedom--could (and do) continue unchecked throughout adulthood.

I know I paint a bleak portrait and that not all high school students are promiscuous and turn into undisciplined adults. Yet, just think of the improvements that could be made if we called the problem what it really is and encouraged abstinence until the time of a committed, married relationship. Old fashioned idea? Maybe. But wouldn't it be worth trading in many infertility problems, sexually transmitted diseases, and emotional scars from failed relationships and embrace the ability to enjoy one's children as the blessings that they are? Let's put the blame where it really is---undisciplined behavior and sin---and leave the children that can't speak for themselves alone.

Keys to A Loving, Lasting Marriage (Part Two)

This is Part Two of a series, (Go here to view Part One) and I will begin with the same "disclaimer" I did last time:
I am going to share with you a few things passed down to me by other Godly couples, things I've learned from studying the Bible's plan for marriage and things that experience has taught me. These are not my ideas at all, but God's.

4. Be best friends. If you've been part of planning a wedding in the last 10 years or so, perhaps you've noticed the trend in bride's magazines for a bride to have a "best man" instead of a maid of honor. The explanation is that he is her best friend and she'd rather have him stand beside her on her "special day" than a girl. Does this question come to anyone else's mind: Why didn't she marry him? There is no one I would rather be with than my husband. While it's true that there are some things that only another woman understands, my deepest dreams and fears are discussed with my husband alone. I believe that's the way God intended it. He tells the man to "leave his father and mother, cleave unto his wife and they shall become one flesh". If we are supposed to leave our own parents, wouldn't you think that our husband should come before another friend and should be our best friend?

5. Communicate in a positive way. It's amazing to me how many women treat the love of their life in an unkind way. They speak sharply, condescendingly, angrily to their husband when they would never speak that way to any other human being. If our husbands are truly our best friends, all communication that we have with him should be positive and respectful. Of course, the old saying goes, "Familiarity breeds contempt." Let's not let that happen in our marriages!

6. Squash bitterness. I am convinced that one of the biggest reasons a marriage fails is bitterness. Frustration can lead to resentment which leads to bitterness against our husband if we allow it. Marriages don't end just because one day one or both of the spouses wakes up without a "feeling" of love. Losing that love is a gradual process. If I let a situation like the one I mentioned in Part One allow me to have resentful thoughts toward my husband, this can soon become an attitude and will drive me to bitterness towards him. Bitterness and love cannot coexist.

What are some ways you can cultivate your friendship with your husband today? What are some positive ways you can communicate with your husband? What do you do to guard against bitterness?

How Many Meals out of a Chicken Roaster

One of my favorite things to do as the main cook in our home is to see how many different meals I can get out of a single meat entree. An easy one to stretch is chicken. I'm a novice cook really when it comes to "made-from-scratch" cooking, so this is probably old news to a lot of you. However, this is my usual method for "stretching" that chicken:

The first night I sprinkle the chicken all over with spices and stuff with an onion and more spices, put it in the oven or crock pot and forget about it. (Well, almost!) I add mashed potatoes and gravy, a vegetable or two and sometimes bread. This is one of our favorite meals.

If there is enough white meat left, I add it to fettuccine alfredo with broccoli or a salad and sometimes bread.

We usually have dark meat left over, so I will put this into chicken fajitas. (I use Crystal's recipe.)
I usually make homemade tortilla chips out of the leftover tortillas (we don't eat all 10 in a pack) to round out the meal.

When the meat is almost all picked over, I use this recipe to make Chicken Noodle Soup. I often use store-bought noodles, though I sometimes get ambitious and make homemade ones.

If there is meat left over, I'll make Chicken Salad Sandwiches for lunch, but unless I get a very big roaster, I don't get all of these meals out of the same chicken. I intersperse other meals on in-between nights so we don't have chicken every night.

What are some meals you get out of a chicken roaster? Any tips for "stretching" it even further?

Imagining a Day Without Homeschooling

I do my very best to remember that methods change but principles don't. I will not engage in the co-sleeping vs. crib debate. Or the breast-feeding vs. bottle-feeding war. Or the whole foods vs. processed foods skirmish. Or the...well, you get the idea. In matters of principle, I will not argue; but I may give you my Scriptural reasons. That being said, I will sometimes share what works for us but perfectly respect your right to do it differently.

We have decided to teach our children at home. When people find out we homeschool our children, about 75% of them keep their opinions to themselves. Of the other 25%, some do give their opinions and others just ask questions.

"Were you or your husband homeschooled?" Nnoooo.....

"Did you have a bad experience in school as a child?" Not really....

"Does anyone in your church homeschool?" Nope.

"Does your family want you to homeschool?" Ha, ha. No comment.

Five years ago, I would have laughed if anyone had suggested that I would homeschool my children. I grew up with the idea that private, Christian schools are superior in training academically and spiritually and getting into a good college is the ultimate goal of education. I did get a good education that way--at least as far as my grades went. I saw homeschooling families as "weird", "antisocial", "educationally inferior" or at least "nerdy and geeky--the kids no one likes to be around even if they do have PhD.s at age 15". You know the stereotypes. My husband was more open to the idea, although he had great reservations. He had attended a private, Christian school and a public school and wasn't satisified with his experiences in either. He learns new skills better than anyone I know, but he has always hated school.

The lack of quality education, threats to children's safety and false religion in public schools and the exorbitant costs of private schools in our area led us to rethink our prejudices. I can't remember when we made the decision, and I haven't necessarily committed for life (though I'm leaning that way), but there are a myriad of reasons we homeschool. Consequently, when I started homeschooling, I realized that this is just an extension of what I've been doing since we brought my firstborn home from the hospital. "Formal education" is just building on the foundation that has already been laid. Since our decision not to send our daughter to kindergarten, people have said, "Imagine how much freedom you could have if you'd send your kids to school!"

I went down that road in my thoughts...how would I feel if I dropped off my kids at school each day? Besides feeling that I was missing out on a very big part of their training.....I would feel bored. Yes, bored. What on earth would I do without my children? I would spend my days cleaning house unencumbered by little ones spilling mop water and "helping" wash dishes. Without them, it would take me record time. Then what? I'd start cooking supper. But, what on earth would I do without my son trying to taste the flour or my daughter fetching me things (and sometimes spilling them) from the pantry and fridge? How would I set the table without a lesson on "the fork goes on the left, the knife next to the plate on the right"? You guessed it---it would go pretty quickly. Well, then I would have time to spend with friends, right? Yeah, the friends that are either at work or the friends that are home homeschooling their children....all of them would be busy. So why not just get a job and let someone else teach my children?

In the past year and a half, here are just a few of the things I would have missed had I sent my children to school:

• The absolute hilarity of seeing my kindergartner and her brother practicing their fire escape when we studied fire safety. I will forever remember my two-year-old son carefully inching his way down the stairs, covering his nose and mouth with his hands, only to get distracted with his toys once he hit the living room.
• The flexibility of gathering up my kids to fix breakfast with my grandparents each Friday morning then to stay with my grandpa while my grandma was rushed to the hospital where they confirmed that she was gone from this world.
• Seeing my anti-homeschool, math-whiz brother painstakingly teaching my daughter the shapes she didn't know (all those geometry shapes that end in -on). The lesson stuck because when I showed her a stop sign a few days later in hopes of having her recognize the blend "st-", she answered with a bored expression, "That's an octagon."
• The wonder in my two-year-old's eyes when we studied magnetism and he saw a magnet pick up a paper clip for the first time.
• Giving my 5-year-old the beginning readers and finding out she already knew how to read before I even had a chance to teach her!
• The two-for-one phenomenon. It's hit me many times. One example was when my 2-year-old started singing the alphabet song by himself after a week or two of school or when he supplied the correct phrase for his sister when she stumbled in the 23rd Psalm.
• Family time with Daddy who works Saturdays but has Mondays off.
• A lot of field trips! Daddy jokes that they have many more than he ever had.
• The enormous task of daily modeling and training in the things of the Lord.
  

For you homeschoolers, what would you miss if you didn't homeschool? For those of you who don't, let us know how you fill your "kid-less" hours?

The Sweetness of a Single Rose

Since we just came through Valentine's Day weekend and we are feeling all sentimental, I thought I'd go ahead and share our tradition that I alluded to in our how we met story. I promise I will get back to more thought-provoking things Wednesday.

My husband is a great guy and all man as I've said, but he always remembers--sometimes even better than I do. For example, it was his idea to propose to me exactly one year after we met (he skipped the more obvious Christmas, my birthday and Valentine's Day leaving me wondering if I was mistaken about his intentions). He can still remember the place he first told me he loved me and the bench I was sitting on when he proposed. He is also responsible for one of the most meaningful traditions we have.

The first time he came to see me, he brought me one red rose. Red means romantic love, I'm told. Whether he knew it at that time or not, our love was just beginning to blossom. He remembered that, and the night we were engaged, he also gave me one red rose. We opted not to see each other on the day of our wedding (and we had an evening wedding!), but someone came to my door and delivered one beautiful red rose that morning. The last single rose I received from him was at the birth of our first child, although this one was pink. In keeping with the tradition and the love it represents, we named our first child with the middle name of Rose. Who knows what other "firsts" we'll have? My prayer is a sweet beginning blossoms more and more.

What traditions do you have in your marriage?

How We Met

I decided to participate with Kelly's meme today in honor of Valentine's Day. I am to share how God brought my husband and I together. It was God and only God....here's my tale:

My Man and I were born in different states, then traded states and ended up in the same state although we lived almost 3 hours apart from each other at the time we met. About four months before we met, I had decided at the grand old age of 15 that I was done with guys and was not getting married. The same month My Man got saved--completely changed from the inside out. God was setting the stage.

We met at a youth evangelistic weekend held at his church. I had been to several before, but this was his first since he had just come to the Lord. He was 20 and beginning to think of marriage, and he prayed before he came the first night that if it was the Lord's will, He would show him the girl he was to marry that weekend. Completely unaware of this, I rode along with a friend whose car collided with a deer on the way to pick me up. We were the last ones there and very late because of the accident. According to my husband, he had already decided that God was not going to answer his prayer that weekend until I walked in. Since I had already decided I wasn't getting married, I perused the new guy simply with curiosity. My immediate assumption was "Very cute, much too old, looks too shy for me, but it doesn't matter anyway." At least those were my subconscious thoughts.

It turned out that he and his sister lived the closest to me, so on future youth weekends (we went to a different church each time), our leader arranged for me to ride along with them. (Thanks, Tonya! I owe you a big one.) We gradually got to know one another. I had big plans and told him all about how I was going to college to be a music teacher. I don't think I actually told him I planned to be single, but it was very obvious that marriage wasn't in my near future. After all, I was only 16!

After a series of events that only the Lord could have orchestrated, we ended up dating 7 months later. Exactly a year after the day of our first meeting, our church was having special services and I was on the platform playing the piano prelude. To my great surprise, my boyfriend walked in and right up onto the platform! He greeted me (no, not with a kiss!), and we enjoyed the service together. After church, he took me out to dinner. I had this sort of sixth sense of what was going to happen, and I was a nervous wreck. I ate my whole meal in tiny little bites because who wants to be proposed to with their mouth full of food? Nothing out of the ordinary happened during our meal, but afterward he asked, "Do you want to go to the park?" Now it was still cold in mid-March and it was already dark. Just the perfect time for a stroll, right? But of course I agreed that it would be a wonderful thing to do!

We went to a lake that is right in the center of town. It's a beautiful lake which usually has a couple of swans gliding along in it. They weren't there that night...they go somewhere else when ice is on the pond. We sat down for just a few minutes talking, then my wonderful guy dropped to one knee in true traditional style and asked me to spend the rest of his life with him. Some girls squeal and jump up and down, but I just felt tears come to my eyes. It was such a special, sweet time. Of course I said yes. I don't wear jewelry, so he presented me with a beautiful watch with hearts all along the band. As we got back into the car, he gave me a single red rose--a tradition I'll have to tell you about in another post.

We got back to my parents' house and the visiting evangelist (remember my dad is a pastor) stopped mid-sentence in his conversation with my father and said, "I've got to get to bed." I guess we had "the look" or something! After he hurried off to his room, my husband officially asked my parents for their blessing, and they were ready. They gave us each a beautiful letter they had had prepared for some time letting us know that they were letting me go since they believed our union was in the center of God's will.

Each person's story is unique, so I am not saying this is the way it should work for everyone or even most people, but it was truly God's will for the two of us to marry 3 weeks (to the day) after my high school graduation. I gave up my plans to be a college music teacher and single because those were my plans not God's. It has been almost 10 years since we spoke our vows to one another, and we love each other more deeply than I ever thought possible. God is good! I'm so glad He wrote our love story.

Just An Earthly Possession

As the daughter of a pastor's wife who entertained frequently, I often watched this scene unfold. A young mother with small children would be visiting when a child would reach for one of the few knickknacks on a living room table. A look of panic on her face, the mother would rush to the child's side and distract him only to find him headed for another of Mom's "pretties". My mom would just laugh and tell her not to worry. "Those are only earthly possessions," was her favorite line. Though the mother looked a bit relieved, I could tell she thought Mom was only being polite. The truth was Mom meant exactly what she said. She served guests on her best china if they were 1 year old or 101 years old. She allowed me, her klutzy accident-prone daughter to set the table and reassured me if I chipped or broke something with her famous words, "It's only an earthly possession."

I've often thought that sometimes relationships with those closest to us are as fragile as Mom's crystal. We prize our best dishes or our collection of (you fill in the blank), and if our children or anyone else dares to touch them or (horror of horrors!) break them we are quick to shatter the glass of their self-worth by showing our aggravation. What is more important--those children God has entrusted to our care and called "an heritage of the Lord" or our grandmother's silver? That husband that God has given us to love and to cherish or that collection of "pretties"?

I'm thankful for the example of my mother and her loose hold on material things. We received for our wedding a set of hurricane lamps which I proudly set on the coffee table (before we had children to split open their upper lip on it--it has now gone the way of most of my "pretties"). They were from a dear sainted lady in our church and meant a lot to me because of her. My new husband and I were goofing off as young lovers do, and he backed into the table knocking one of my precious lamps on the floor. It was very decidedly broken, but after the slightest hint of disappointment flitted through my mind, my mother's words came to mind. He was very apologetic and cleaned up the broken glass, but I was ever after thankful that there were no angry words to sweep up and that there was no shattered heart to mend.

I still remember my fine collection of tea pots and teacups lining the microwave stand in our kitchen. A few of them are still there, but many of them met their demise when my over-zealous child "helped" Mommy by closing the drawer of the microwave stand a bit too hard. As we swept up the broken pieces together, I had the chance to train my child in the difference between breaking something in anger and a genuine accident. There have been a few times when my children in anger broke something, and to be sure my husband nor I excused the anger. However, that relationship must be the most important thing before any material thing we possess!

If you're picturing me as a calm, serene mother who never gets upset with my children or husband, then I'm sorry for the illusion. I am in no way perfect, but the Lord is teaching me each day to be more like Him. Thank you, Mom, for living before me the reality of standing before a Holy God someday not clutching our prized dishes or knickknacks but the hands of our husbands and children. Fellow mother, they are the only ones we can take with us! Let's drop the trinkets of the world and hold more tightly to those dearest and nearest to us.

A Tale of a Typical Day

As I sit here sipping lukewarm coffee and trying to keep my eyes open at 11:00 P.M., a feminist friend's words come to me, "You homemakers always make it sound like everything in your life is rosy and wonderful! Your life can't be as good as you make it out to be." I always strive to be honest, but I admit that a blog title like "Joy Ever After" can be misleading. Maybe my most recent tale of a bad day will be an encouragement to you and show my feminist friends the "other" side of the life of a stay-at-home-mom (so-called).

My day begins with the sound of my 5-month-old alarm clock from the other room at 7 a.m. "So much for sleeping in!" is my first thought. My second is "Why did I go to bed at 1:30 in the morning?" Yes, this is my husband's day off and theoretically mine as well. Somewhere in the fog of my mind, I remember one of my children having a nightmare some time in between the unearthly hour I went to bed and the present. I spend the next hour alternately feeding Little Man and dozing. When I finally decide to drag myself out of bed (as if I have a choice--a little person is doing his best to get my attention through smiles or fussing), Crown Prince bounds into the room with gusto (forget the smiles, Little Man is now fussing in anticipation of his big smother's brother's arrival). I try to get dressed while one of the boys begs for attention and the other for breakfast. Since breakfast doesn't seem to be forthcoming, Crown Prince decides to spend some time with Daddy. Daddy is enjoying his day off in his big recliner chair with his laptop and coffee (well, the coffee is a little less than enjoyable--one little person dumped the bowl containing the only remaining bit of sugar on the carpet at supper last night). After a few futile attempts to get Crown Prince to sit still, I hear the inevitable "Oh no!" Since I don't hear screaming, I figure no blood is involved so I continue combing my hair. "What's wrong, honey?" I call down the stairs. It turns out that the recently purchased, very expensive (at least for our Dave Ramsey-inspired budget) cord for the laptop has just been rendered useless by an over-zealous Crown Prince.

While my dear Man is moving on to the pursuit of dressing, I decide to fix breakfast. Of course, all three children want to help--well, I assume Little Man does although he didn't come right out and say so. When he howls at the top of his lungs every time I put him down, I assume he's telling me in his round-about way that he wants to join us. So, I commence to make scrambled eggs and hashbrowns with Little Man on my hip (now perfectly content--oh why did I give away my sling?) and supervise the other two alternately mixing a batch of muffins and fighting over who puts in the milk. By the time the said muffins are ready to go in the oven, the other food is ready to eat. Just as I decide to go ahead without the muffins, Crown Prince also makes a decision that he needs a drink and he needs it now! So, he grabs my most fragile of glasses (which he had to reach around his cup to get) and holds onto it a split second shorter than the time it takes me to reach it. "Everyone stay on your chair!" I order as I go for the broom and dustpan. My drama queen grumbles about her "punishment" and why does she have to stay on the chair when her brother is the one that broke the glass? I proceed with a little drama of my own on the possible consequences of her getting off the chair, and she sits--looking a bit ashen. As I am cleaning up the last bit of glass and Little Man's screams threaten to shatter more (Though my talent is growing, I am not yet able to sweep up broken glass with a baby on my hip!), My Man strolls into the kitchen with the innocent question, "Did something break?" The thought of sweeping up more glass keeps me from throwing something at him. We eat our cold potatoes and eggs and fresh-from-the-oven muffins. I look at the clock, and it's not yet 10:00 but I feel my bed calling me.

My Man and I sit down to pay bills and set the budget for the week. Two hours and 136 interruptions later, we are finished and My Man leaves with Lady-in-Waiting for their Valentine's Day "date" he's been promising her since last week. Little Man is falling asleep on my shoulder, so I put him down for his nap. "All right! It's time to play basketball!" yells my still-very-wide-awake other son. I grab him before he runs into the room where I just put his brother. "Um...why don't we exercise together?" I muster all the enthusiasm I can. He catches it (I'm pretty good at faking when I need to), and we go through the motions of my new "belly blasting" fitness routine (not my words, the magazine's). I struggle through lunges, crunches and sit-ups while Crown Prince runs in circles. I finally finish the routine exhausted and he shouts enthusiastically, "Let's do it again!" We work on puzzles until I hear Little Man. He has decided to cut his two hour nap down to one hour today.

After Lady-in-Waiting rushes in and excitedly shows me her new Build-a-Bear, it is time for me to go grocery shopping. I am so pumped about my great deal at Walgreen's that I fail to pay close enough attention at the grocery store. I am $3 short of my envelope amount for groceries! Yeah, I know, I'm supposed to hold up the line (which I have stood in for at least 15 minutes) and put back the Fritos and the Oreos, but I chicken out. I swipe my debit card with practiced ease and mentally juggle numbers around so I can avoid having a negative budget later.

I get home and unload all the groceries, cook a quick dinner (it's almost 7:00!) and try to ignore a howling Little Man. His daddy has him and doesn't yet know I'm home. I finish the grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup and call down the stairs, "Honey, dinner's ready!" My Man is upstairs rather quickly now that he knows I'm home. It seems Little Man just wanted his mommy who is in the middle of putting dishes on the table and insisting, "No, you may not finish your game. It's time for supper!" for the third time. Crown Prince bounds to the table and points to my gourmet, homemade soup, "What's that?" "It's tomato soup!" I state enthusiastically (worked once today!). "Looks like blood," he comments matter-of-factly.

I put a bottle in Little Man's mouth as I start to clear the table. He starts to go to sleep--with a full diaper and no bath. I pick him up and get ready to put him in the tub when I get a report from a very helpful older sister that someone had an accident. Someone knows better, so a certain mommy tries to keep her comments edifying and miserably fails.

With both boys bathed, I start to put Little Man to bed for the night only to discover I cannot walk through the room. My "no computer until the room is cleaned" rule has been completely disregarded! I take two children off the computer and wait impatiently while they clear a path clean the room.

With Little Man finally in bed, I start to clean up the kitchen. Then I remember that I promised my husband brownies after dinner. I mix them up and put them in the oven. Twenty minutes after they are supposed to be done, I remove them from the oven with a still jiggly center. It is almost 10 P.M. and my little hooligans darling children are waiting for brownies. I dub them "Gooey Brownie Cobbler", add a squirt of whipped cream and serve. I sit eating my brownie and take two sips of fresh coffee (ah! this time with sugar), when I catch a whiff of something that is not brownie. Another accident?!

With the kids finally in bed, I write a blog post about my day and crawl into a tub of deliciously warm water with a book. Oh wait, I haven't done that yet....um....it sounds like someone is ready for another bottle....

P.S. to my feminist friend: I still wouldn't trade places for anything!

Keys to A Loving, Lasting Marriage (Part One)

Marriage God's way is the closest we can get to heaven while still living here on earth. The Scripture teaches this, and I firmly believe it. It should go without saying that none of us have perfect marriages, and God is always teaching us in this area. As I've said before, I certainly don't have all the answers. However, the little God has taught me about marriage has made a very BIG impact! I can truly say that it is possible for a marriage to be made in heaven.

There is also maintaining that marriage to consider. Since this is Valentine's Day month, I am going to share with you a few things passed down to me by other Godly couples, things I've learned from studying the Bible's plan for marriage and things that experience has taught me (this is sometimes the hardest teacher but very effective!). I'm looking forward to hearing your ideas and expansion on my own ideas which are really not my ideas at all, but God's.

1. Consistency in our spiritual lives. There is only One Who can completely transform a person, and He is the same One Who can create a marriage that mirrors His love for us. If we follow nothing but this step, He is able to lead us into His will for us. Marriage based on anything else but God will surely fail or be much less than what it could be. If a couple grounds themselves in the Word of God and a relationship with Him, they will naturally grow closer to one another as they both grow closer to God.
2. Understanding and Embracing our Roles. Much has been written on the subject of man's and woman's roles in marriage. It is a subject of hot debate in our culture and even the church world today. The simple truth of the Bible is that a man is to love as Christ loved the church and a woman is to submit to his God-given authority. Male chauvinism and feminism are distortions of God's plan. When we not only understand what the Bible means about our roles and joyfully embrace them, our marriages can be wonderful.
3. Give 100%. I once knew a lady who said often that she believed that marriage was 50/50--each spouse gives 50% toward the marriage and makes up the whole 100%. My father commented, "But what if I wake up and I only feel like giving 75% one day?" Christ loved us with everything He had, and He expects us to give of ourselves unselfishly in marriage and every other area of our lives. I once discussed this with a friend and gave her this example:

My husband comes home from work. It has been a long, hard day and he just wants to relax and take a nap. I've also had a difficult day. The kids have been fussing all day, and my nerves are frazzled. I want him to take the kids and play with them so I can have some peace.

Scenario 1: My husband comes in a plops down in his chair and promptly goes to sleep. I enter the room and say sarcastically, "Oh, so you get to sleep when I've had a horrible day with the kids...rant...rant...rant". In this scenario, we've both thought only of ourselves and have given nothing to the other person.

Scenario 2: My husband comes in from work and sits down. I say, "We each need to give each other 50%. You watch the kids while I make dinner, then you can go get a nap." He says, "I think you should watch the kids during dinner preparation while I nap. I'll watch them while you clean up dinner." This is a compromise situation. We may be able to come to an agreement and we may not. However, we are still thinking of our individual needs first.

Scenario 3: My husband comes home with this attitude: "I'm beat and I just want to sleep, but I know she's had a rough day with the kids. I'm going to play with them for a while so she can fix dinner in peace." He doesn't sit down and compromise with me. He simply thinks of my needs before his. My attitude in this scenario would be: "I know he is exhausted. I'm going to keep the kids out of his way while I make dinner so he can get a little nap before we eat." Now I'm thinking of him before myself. How this ends up working depends on that day's events, but there are no problems caused in the marriage because we are both thinking of the other person before ourselves.

When you strive for Scenario 3 as a way of life (yeah, all of us mess up sometimes!), even if one falls short, you meet somewhere in the middle.

A Tour of My (Mostly) Kid-Friendly House

As I posted here, we must remember that our homes are our responsibility as women; but we are not the only ones who live there. In my recent efforts to simplify, I've tried to make everything a bit more conducive to the under-ten crowd that live in my home. After all, they now outnumber us 20-30 somethings! These ideas are not all original and definitely only a beginning point, but I thought I'd take you on a quick tour of my house and show you evidence that kids do, in fact, live here. No, I don't have my digital camera up and running yet, so you'll have to use your imagination a bit.

• Living Room: Our front door empties into this room, so it is also our entryway. We have recently acquired a hall tree for coats which previously were strewn on the nearest chair. My husband installed a few of the hooks at kid height so they can toss them right onto their own hook.
  
• Dining Room: We moved some furniture out of here so one wall is almost entirely devoted to Little Man's paraphenalia. There's a baby swing, an excersaucer and a small basket of toys. (I love baskets!)
• Kitchen: A while back, I cleared out a bottom cupboard and put the everyday dishes where the kids could easily reach them. Now they can set the table or empty the dishwasher without me because everything is on their level.
• Computer Nook: Some small bookshelves are in this room off the kitchen. One houses the school supplies and textbooks and the other our "educational book" collection and library books. (We all love books!) There is a small basket on the school shelf that has all pencils, glue, scissors, etc. and a pencil sharpener so Lady-in-Waiting can help herself get ready for school. There is also a box for Crown Prince with some activities he can do if he gets bored with listening in to the math lesson.
• Basement: This is still a work in progress, but I do have a stool by the washing machine for when the kids help with laundry. I plan to put an art cupboard in a corner of my husband's office for the kids' art supplies.
• Kids' Room: I've already posted about this here, but we decorated this room specifically for the kids. I'll post pictures when it is completely finished, but so far we've painted the ceiling and walls sky blue with white clouds painted on the ceiling. One wall is a rolling hill painted with green chalkboard paint so the kids can literally write on the walls. There is wide open space and rug in the middle for any "rough-housing". Each bedspread is a different color and has a matching curtain (the room has three windows): fuchsia, lime green and orange. I've come a long way from my Victorian decorating scheme, eh?
• Bathroom: At this time, I have racks, but hope to install hooks soon, for the kids' towels. They each have their own color towel which they hang up after a bath. I do towel laundry twice a week. Sorry if that grosses you out, but they only dry themselves off after they are clean. I also have a mesh bag for their bath toys and mesh sponges (the two older ones have their own which, although I didn't plan it, match their bedspreads!). Lady-in-Waiting shares my basket of bath soaps and bubble baths. She actually got more than I did for Christmas!
• Our Bedroom: Ah! Finally! I have a room (so far) where I do not trip over toys and I can decorate it as I wish without considering multi-child color schemes or how to organize piles of baby dolls and trucks. So why did I even put this room in this article? Hmmmm......It's a lot more kid-friendly to have a mom who has a teeny little space to call her own (well her own and her husband's own). My crocheted floral bedspread, down comforter and a good night's sleep do wonders for my friendliness!
  

Voices of the World

I hardly ever read the newspaper. I get sufficient current events from my husband's daily perusal of Yahoo News and other sites he checks. However, I was scanning the paper the day after the inauguration while at my parents' house. I just couldn't resist viewing all the details of the historical event even though it was one that caused me grief.

An article caught my eye and a quick reading of it caused chills to go up and down my spine. The headline read, "Mom says voices told her to kill". I won't go into all the details; but a 23-year-old mother of two little girls, ages 4 and 2, was giving them a bath and started hearing voices telling her to drown them. Everyone that knew her was shocked, including the girls' father, who rushed home to find her calmly seated on the couch while his precious daughters lay dead in the upstairs bathroom. Tears came to my eyes as I read the article, and I don't even remotely know the two children. Of course, the courts are debating the mother's sanity and the trial continues. Who knows if she really heard voices? Maybe she is mentally impaired. Perhaps it was the devil himself speaking to her. But, the thing that hit me the hardest was the comment she made to the detectives. The article stated, "She told detectives that she loved her daughters, but that she felt confined in her life and the kids were part of it." I've read this same idea before, and so have you. It's actually quite popular these days.

"Children are confining. Limit them to one, at the most two."
"Staying home with your children is outdated. You waste your life by giving up a career to be a full-time mother. You will never be fulfilled changing diapers and wiping noses all day."
"Just wait until your kids are in school. Then you'll get your freedom back!"
"I am not ready for the responsibility of raising children yet. My only choice is to abort."

I am in no way excusing what this mother did. I abhor sin in all its forms. Murdering an innocent child enrages me! However, she was just carrying the "voices" of the world to their natural end. Children are inconvenient. When they encumber my life too much, I will simply rid myself of them. Those same two little girls could have been killed without a question from the courts or the world in general just 2 and 4 years earlier while she carried them in her womb. No trial would have been held. She would have been considered perfectly sane to want to murder her children before they ever saw the outside world (or perhaps when they were inches from it).

It's not my desire to be graphic or grotesque. I know this is a blog to encourage you. However, we must be challenged not to give up in our quest to be Godly mothers and to fight the culture's philosophies.

How many times have I said or thought things like this:

"These kids are driving me nuts!"
"I just need some time away from them."
"I can't take you guys anywhere the way you act up!"
"I never get to do what I want!"

My prayer is that the Lord will help me to "love [my] children" as Titus 2 teaches. To consider them a blessing, as God sees them, instead of a curse, like the world sees them. To hold them close and realize that I am training the next generation. To kiss their chubby cheeks and realize that I am only loaned them for a short time because they are ultimately God's. To understand that I am doing the work of eternity. Most importantly, I need His help to keep my ear tuned to the Voice that matters...the Voice of His Sweet Spirit and the Word of God.