Touching the Palate

I just entered, for the third time, the "introducing solid foods" stage. That is, if you call rice cereal "solid". "Mushy" comes more readily to my mind. Anyway, we all watched excitedly as Little Man took a tentative taste, looked right at me and flashed his signature grin. Even though it is my third time to go through this, I still thrill at each new stage. This time, however, a Scripture came to mind--the famous parenting verse, "Train up a child in the way he should go..." I heard it explained that the verb train is the word picture of "touching the palate". As more cereal dribbled on Little Man's bib than into his tummy, I thought of the similarities between feeding babies and training children in the Word of God.

• Start small. While Crown Prince can down 3 bowls of baked oatmeal at breakfast time, I did not attempt to give Little Man that much or that heavy of a food. For his first feeding, I gave him a small amount of rice cereal, thinned with a lot of water. In the same way, we can not sit our small children down and instruct them on the finer points of theology, but we can give them little glimpses often.
  
• Keep trying. Babies do spit out more than they ingest at first, but we realize that they are learning the process of eating and do not worry. Our children must learn the process of how to study God's Word and apply it to their lives. That means, in the early years, not a lot is going to "stick". However, just as I don't give up after the first feeding and decide to keep Little Man on a liquid diet indefinitely, I must keep trying to teach the Word of God to my little ones.
  
• Gradually increase. For those of you who have seen Little Man's chubby cheeks (yes, I need to update his photo), you won't be surprised that he began eating larger amounts in a relatively short amount of time. As we teach our children, we must be attentive to give them deeper truths as they are ready. This can be difficult to determine, but God will give us wisdom.
• Feed gently and don't force. When I feed my baby, I can't stuff a large amount in his mouth. He will choke or at the very least, be upset and refuse to eat more. When my children aren't "eating" God's Word in the amounts or as quickly as I would like, I must remember not to force it upon them or I may cause them to reject further truth.
• Know when to quit. You know the cues when a baby is done eating. They will turn their head, close their mouth or fuss when you try to feed them more. You are probably also aware of the cues when your child is done listening to your instruction. You wax eloquent about egalitarianism vs. complementarianism (yeah, my kids' mama reads John Piper!) and they begin jumping on the couch. You talk about being nice to brother and sister (a little more on the level of a 3-year-old) and they choose that moment to wallop him/her up the side of the head. Sometimes we need to stop talking and do more acting. (This is a big one for me!)
  
• No two kids are alike. You know how one of your kids will eat a ton and another will eat "daintily". The same is true for receiving the truth. Some kids just drink it in while others need small sips.
• Kids' needs constantly change. It amazes me to watch my kids' eating patterns. One day they are cleaning out the serving bowl and another day that are picking at their food. We are not clean-platers (more about that in a future post) either in physical or spiritual food. A child knows when he has his needs met. This does not apply, of course, when your child says as mine have been known to do, "Mom, I'm full with food. Can I have candy now?" We also need to make sure they aren't too full with spiritual "junk food" so that they can't eat what we serve them.
  
• Respond correctly to rejection. It took my older son about 7 tries over time to learn to like bananas. I mean baby food bananas that every child loves! Now he eats them in their whole form like they will be extinct the next day. I just had to keep trying when he would reject the food at first. That's what we must do when we teach our children a spiritual concept that doesn't "stick". Wait, then give it again, as often as necessary.
• Know what is important and what is not. After so many times of trying to feed a food, I have had to admit that maybe my child just does not like a food and stop giving it to them. Incidentally, my daughter does not like french fries (this causes extra pounds on Mom who feels the obligation to finish her child's food) and my son does not like any sauce on his broccoli (this produces a gagging effect that we definitely want to avoid in the future!). So far, going with their preferences is a good thing! Spritually, we must make sure they develop Biblical teachings, but some things aren't worth fighting over. These things look different in each family, and we must not neglect Biblical principles. You parents of teenagers probably have more experience in this area. An example from my own life is music. My mom doesn't listen to music and my dad listens to instrumental and choral music. They decided to allow me to develop my own convictions in this area as long as my choices were God-honoring. My taste is still developing, but I am glad that they didn't "force-feed" according to their taste.
  
• Anticipate the day when more goes in than comes out. My oldest is almost 7 years old, and I am just beginning to see her spiritual understanding awaken a bit. I have seen some of the teachings I have given over and over begin to take root in her life. A child's understanding is most evident when they don't know we are watching. I'm often amazed at the conversations my two oldest children have while playing when they don't know I'm listening.
  

I am learning and gaining new experiences in training my children and there's a lot I don't know, but I do know that God's Word won't return void. I also know that their very life depends on the food I give them--physically and spiritually.

What are some ways you make sure your children are "fed" spiritually?

Dressed to Kill

My recent shopping trip with my husband got me thinking again about the whole dress issue. No, you haven't read any posts about dress yet from me, but we've all heard about it a million times from a hundred different sources.

We women can be strange creatures, really. We dress up to impress the guy we want to ask us out (or to talk to our father, for those that practice courting). After we get married, we think it's just fine to wear old clothes around the house because we "already got him". We want our wedding gown to please our groom, but later we bristle when he raises a question about an outfit we like. We are careful on dates to dress modestly so our boyfriend won't be tempted or think we are "bad", however we aren't as careful to dress modestly around other Christian men to whom we aren't even married. After all, it's "their problem, not ours".

Maybe I'm a bit old-fashioned, but my father always evaluated my wardrobe when I lived at home. If he thought something I was going to buy was immodest, I trusted his opinion because he was a man and knew how men think. Now my husband does the same thing. Unfortunately, I haven't always appreciated their concern. However, I've come to realize through the dealings of the Holy Spirit that my husband treasures me, therefore he wants me to be seen as his and his alone.

I heard Nancy Leigh DeMoss speak once about a side of the issue that had never occurred to me (I'm a little dense sometimes!). A woman needs to not only consider her Lord and her husband as she dresses, but her Christian brothers as well. They have the responsibility to keep themselves pure in a world full of perversion and lust. When they come to church, they should be able to relax, so to speak. The church should not be a place to fight temptation but a place to refresh themselves from the temptations they have faced through the week.
Nancy says it like this:

She [the Christian woman] needs to walk as she would with a candle, if she were holding a candle, into a room filled with straw or gunpowder. She needs to be careful about how she exercises and exhibits her feminine wonders.
... "If she's not careful, there may be an explosion; a flame after it's too late to do anything about it."

No, of course it isn't a physical explosion. It goes much deeper than that. Our stubbornness about that favorite outfit can cost a Christian brother his soul and lead him to adultery. Yes, adultery, because Jesus said all it takes is a look to commit the sin of lust.

Will you join me in carefully honoring our husbands by allowing them to voice their concerns and even to make changes in our wardrobes? Someone's life might depend on it--spiritual life, that is.

Cleaning Shortcuts in the Bathroom

As a busy mom who likes to spend too much time on the computer (oops!), I try to find shortcuts to my daily tasks when I can. Of all the rooms, the bathroom gets a bad rap for being the hardest to clean. I don't find this to be true at all. I'd rather clean the bathroom than any other room in my house because it is generally the quickest room to clean and there's less clutter than any other room (perhaps these two facts are related?). Our house has only one bathroom and it is very tiny, so that helps, but here's a few things that help me get in and out of the bathroom in record time and may be useful to you as well:

• Eliminate frills. In light of my former post, you probably envision my bathroom as having lots of pretty decorations in it. Truthfully, it's the last room on our list to remodel and is badly in need of it. However, I've cut out (and will keep it this way after a remodel) all the extra little things that make cleaning take longer. There are no rugs, toilet tank covers or fancy toilet seats. I don't have decorations on the vanity or the back of the toilet. The necessary supplies like extra toilet paper, bath toys and bath soaps are in baskets that are easily accessible but quick to pick up and clean around.
• Accessible cleaning supplies. I keep the cleaning supplies I need for the bathroom in a tub right under the bathroom sink. It's easy to just wipe and swipe while I'm already in there instead of waiting for a big cleaning day when it will take much longer to clean the room.
• Know where to cut costs. This is different for everyone, but I find it better to invest in liquid soap (sometimes I use cheap shampoo and recycle the dispenser), disinfectant cleaning wipes and trash bag liners (um...recycled grocery bags, but still...I could have used them somewhere else, y'know?). These little things add up to get me in and out quickly.
• Streamline the cleaning routine. I have a daily, weekly and every-once-in-awhile routine for cleaning and stick to them. No, I'm not so organized that I have certain days and times, but I can tell when the work needs done, so this is a general idea. By routine, I mean that I clean in a certain order in a certain way to minimize the time needed. My daughter timed me on my daily cleanup once and it took 2-3 minutes. The weekly takes a little longer because it involves dusting and floors, but it's still around 10 minutes. The every-once-in-a-while includes blinds and scrubbing the tub (no shower) and windows and baseboards, but I think it's only around 30 minutes...40 tops.
• Don't expect perfection. We have decided what is an acceptable level of clean for our family and try to keep to that standard. Thankfully my men do well at aiming so that helps a lot, and I have a lot less surfaces to clean than most people because of the size of my bathroom and absence of a shower. Having green fixtures in the bathroom helps everything look cleaner (came with the house, we didn't install them), but I wouldn't recommend it for aesthetic purposes.

What are some shortcuts you use in cleaning the bathroom?

A Mom's Simple Guide to Childhood Illness

Before I had children, I rarely got sick. I didn't know much about infectious diseases. I got the occasional cold, but preachers' children aren't allowed to get sick. They always go to church so staying home isn't an option. If you are a PK and you feel like you're going to lose your breakfast, you sit in the bathroom of the church and call "Unclean! Unclean!" when anyone comes in. The only time I remember staying home from church was when I got chickenpox. My grandma stayed with me, and I was very miserable. Not because my grandma was with me but because my brother and sister got a few spots, got time off school and played while I got a case of "itch-so-bad-I-can't-stand-it-so-sick-all-I-want-to-do-is-lie-on-the-couch-don't-even-mention-Easter-candy-to-me" chickenpox. (Yeah, it was Easter Sunday and spring break!) My sicknesses, though few, always came at the wrong time--like laryngitis on the day I gave my valedictory address at my high school graduation. I still cringe when I hear the tape!

Anyway, experience is a good teacher and when my first child was 3 months old, I began the series of doctor's visits and antibiotics in which the average parent is well-versed. Ear infection, antibiotic, symptoms better, a few good weeks, ear infection, antibiotic, symptoms better, repeat. This went on until we started a new routine. Specialist, all kinds of unimaginable procedures, scary videos about ear surgery, warnings about one more infection and something must be done. We had a rough two years, then they stopped, miraculously, before we had to do surgery. Later, I found out it wasn't a miracle after all. After all the co-pays and the Lexuses I provided for Amoxicillin's pharmaceutical company, I found out why she had ear infections every month.

1. Cold medicines caused the fluid to dry up in her ear causing infections.
2. The "colds" I was treating were actually allergy reactions to cow's milk.
3. Antibiotics broke down her resistance to fighting off infections so she got more infections.

Simple solution: Quit giving her milk (which she hates anyway).

Well, I was wiser with my son. No milk, no cold medicines, no antibiotics. Great, and he lasted a bit longer before visiting the doctor for illness. Sure enough, the doctor looked in his ears--all clear. I beamed with pride at my maternal nursing skills. However, his throat was the color of a Christmas bow and he needed an antibiotic. I put on my hard hat and explained that we don't do antibiotics. They cause more infections. I have such a wonderful, patient doctor. He explained that without antibiotics, strep infection never goes away and can, in rare cases, cause heart damage and a potentially fatal fever weeks after the sore throat goes away. Yikes! I plunk down more offerings at the shrine of the bubble-gum, pink goo.

Simple diagnosis: Fever; "strawberry tongue"; bright red, sore throat=strep throat

So, my son gets strep throat about once a year, but I know what it looks like! He gets all the symptoms, I take him to the doctor, he gets his pink goo. A few days later, Lady-in-Waiting is feeling rough, fever, strawberry tongue. Classic strep case. Off I trudge to the doctor. He enters the room and says, "What's going on? I stop short of repeating the procedure code and diagnosis of my son and simply say, "I think she has strep throat." So, he looks in her ears. I roll my eyes--behind his back, of course. "Her ear is bright red, and so is this one. See?" I look through his otoscope. The ear is red. "It is supposed to be gray," the doctor explains. It is definitely not gray. He finally gets around to looking in her throat (which I had somehow forgotten to do). It is not red at all and the strawberry tongue he waxed eloquently about when my son sat in his office means nothing now. Well, ear infections don't need antibiotics, however he has stories of rare cases of some horrible disease caused by bacterial infections that go bad, and I run like a crazy woman to offer some more of my money to the Idol of the Pink Goo.

Simple conclusion: My son gets strep throat, my daughter gets ear infections. Same pink goo treats both.

Simple question: Can I buy stock in this company?

So, I'm still learning through experience. I don't take a kid to the emergency room for a fever until after I've given them Tylenol and Motrin (not at the same time). The ER charges a lot more for Motrin than CVS does.

I don't take a kid to the doctor for croup--that's one thing I don't have to buy pink goo for. This is something I learned after I suffered through a night of struggling to breathe (not to mention my son) and feelings of guilt about not taking him to ER.

They won't arrest you for child abuse if your child's elbow comes out of a socket while an over-zealous sibling plays with him. (Whew!)

Eye infections are highly contagious but are only passed when wet material from one eye touches another eye (yeah, it's gross, but my kids don't get that close to each other!). Meaning it is over-kill to stay home from church for pink eye especially since everyone in the church looks at your child as if they have the plague and steer clear accordingly.

I still don't know how to predict when a kid is going to upchuck. Some things just take time.

Do you have any childhood illness adventures or wisdom to share?

A Novel Idea

You don't have to be around me very long to know I love to read! It started somewhere back there with Winnie the Pooh and Dr. Seuss and progressed to Nancy Drew and the Mandie books. By junior high, I had read most of the Janette Oke and Lori Wick books and anything else I could get my hands on. Then, I met the man of my dreams and got married. Somehow reading about the romances of various schoolgirls on the prairie and otherwise lost its luster. To me the plots became predictable (boy meets girl, boy or girl#2 comes along and tries to wreck it, boy and girl end up together happily ever after), boring (who wants to read fiction when you have the real thing) and too perfect.

Now, my husband isn't perfect (but he comes just about as close as any human being can!) and neither is yours. I began to think of the effect these books may have on women. If you love fiction, keep reading. I'm not knocking the books or the authors. I even gave away a Lori Wick book last week (incidentally, the winner is giving it to her daughter). Stay with me!

Girls need an example of what a godly romance looks like. However, there could be a problem if we begin comparing Mr. Wonderful in the book to our real life Prince Charmings. I can sit and swoon over a man who fights for his lady in the Old West saloon but fail to appreciate the fighting with the world my husband does each day to stay pure and faithful to me. I could long for someone who commiserates and understands perfectly a whiny woman or thank God for a husband who isn't afraid to say, "I don't want to hurt you, but don't you think you owe that person an apology for what you said?" I can admire a man who is always immaculately groomed or realize that the sweaty brow or dirty hands my husband has when he walks through the door have put food on our table that week.

Please don't think that I never read fiction and think you shouldn't. That is not the case. I just want to encourage you to always keep in mind the real romance you have right in front of you. As I've said already, it's your very own fairy tale. Enjoy!

What are some ways you enjoy your fairy tale in every day life?

Organizing Children's Rooms

This is the time of year that we all resolve to be more organized. As the keeper of a small home, I find organizing and simplifying to be essential to conserving the space we do have. I was changing Little Man's diaper last week and took a good look around the kids' room. An image of our nursery for brand new Lady-in-Waiting came to mind, and I chuckled to myself.

The first nursery was equipped with a Diaper Genie, wipe warmer, dresser, changing table and crib. A toy box stood ready for the deluge of the first Christmas and birthday. The closet was jammed with little pink outfits. A Precious Moments wallpaper border and feminine pictures on the wall shouted, "It's a Girl!" As Lady-in-Waiting became more mobile, the room was generally a mess. When we added an extra bed and an extra child, it was not able to be walked through most of the time.

We realized that in order to fit three children into one room, some changes had to be made. Now there is a trash can in the place of the original Diaper Genie which with regular emptying by Crown Prince and a spray of Febreze once in a while works much better than the Diaper Genie for keeping away odors. The wipe warmer is long gone--all it seemed to do was cook the wipes.

We kept the crib and the dresser and changing table, but with a new twist. The changing table became shelves for toys. Now the kids don't dump the whole toy box (which is no longer there anyway) trying to find the stray Legos in the bottom of the box.

The crib doubles as a changing table. There's plenty of room to store diapers and wipes and a small basket for other changing essentials at the foot of the crib since Little Man is still less than 3 feet long.

The dresser had been subjected to much wear by two energetic kids and two of the four drawers had fallen apart. Now, each of the older kids has a drawer for underwear, socks and pajamas and the empty space at the bottom became Little Man's closet. A heavy-duty curtain rod works nicely for little outfits to hang.

A small Sterilite storage box with drawers is good enough for Little Man's other clothes and takes up much less space. Under bed storage bins have become lifesavers for doll and dress-up clothes, stuffed animals and the next two sizes of clothes for Little Man (who is already into 3-6 months!). With a bookshelf and a double rod in the closet (these upgrades are still in progress), the kids' room will be a fairly organized place to be.

As for decorating for a little girl, an energetic boy and a baby, well that's a future post!

What organizing tips and tricks have helped you in your children's rooms?

Cornerstones of a Peaceful Day

Life with children under five can be hectic on the best days. Here are a few things that keep me sane when I take the time and effort to do them:

• Devotional Time. This is a must to a peaceful day. I've found that writing down my prayers as recommended by Anne Ortlund is the key to keeping my busy mind from getting distracted. Even if a little one interrupts, I can pick up where I left off. Things just go so much better when I give God the first part of my day. (Notice I didn't say get alone with the Lord--that's almost impossible!)
• Planning Time. Even if I just scribble some notes on a piece of paper, I have to know what my day is going to look like before it begins. It seldom plays out as I've planned, but at least I have a starting point and don't spend my day "putting out fires."
  
• Chore Time. Chores, peaceful? Not exactly, but it is anything but peaceful if they get skipped over. Also, it seems like my kids get restless in that half hour between breakfast cleanup and school starting (we homeschool). It gives them something to do, and if we do it together, they love it!
  
• Home Time. Why is it that "stay-at-home-moms" are rarely at home? I know there is much to do in the course of a week running a home and not all of it is within our four walls. However, I can't do well on my home duties if I'm gone from the house more than 2 days a week. Things just run so much smoother when I am there.
  
• Quiet Time. Ah! That wonderful hour when school is over and the kids need a break (whether they admit it or not) not to mention me. This is when I can get some computer time or get some work caught up without a thousand questions. Only Little Man takes naps, but we all still go to a quiet place and spend time alone.
  
• Reading Time. There comes a time each evening after the kids are all in bed, that I retreat to my bathtub and close the door. It is my time. I read usually or just spend some extra time pampering myself (like actually shaving both legs at the same time!). I've written about the extreme of Mommy Time here, but a little each evening is nice. The plus to this is that I am relaxed and smelling good when the kids are asleep, and I can carry on the first uninterrupted conversation of the day with my husband.

What are some of your tips and tricks for a sane day?

A New Date Idea for Us

Guess what the next date for My Man and me is? Shopping! Yes, he agreed. In fact, it was his idea. See, I'm always asking him how he likes this outfit and that one on me, so he said he would go with me to help me decide what to buy with my Christmas gift cards. I just think that is so sweet. (He already said it wasn't because he dislikes the clothes I have. LOL!)

Maybe you don't think it's so great. I do for several reasons:

1. I love spending time with my husband.
2. I don't like shopping alone.
3. My husband's opinion about how I look is more important than anyone else's.
4. My husband will give me honest but kind opinions about how things look on me. (I've already decided not to ask, "Do I look fat in this?" No fair putting him on the spot!)
5. Our mall has a great Starbucks which is our usual favorite dating place. (What was it that reminded me of accumulating more calories...oh yeah, that #4!)



What about you, would you like to go clothes shopping with your husband?

Castle vs. Palace

My dabblings in the study of castles is by no means extensive, but what I have learned seems to be a fitting analogy of the Proverbs 31 style home to which God has called us. Many people suppose that I am speaking of a palace or a manor when I mention a castle. On the contrary, I am not painting a picture of a opulent lifestyle as the standard by which we should run our homes. There is one fundamental difference between today's luxurious palaces and the castles of yesterday functioning as they were originally intended.

Castles were primarily built for defense while palaces were primarily built as showcases. Modern home magazines major on the showcase value of our home. Everything in perfect condition, pristine and untouched. Beauty to be admired but never marred by real living. Castles did double as homes for the lord and lady, but their aesthetic touches were few. The main purpose of a castle was to protect the lord's family from danger.

Figuratively, we as Christian families are endangered in a world that attacks the Biblical roles of men, women and family. Our homes are not places to sequester ourselves indefinitely, but they do provide a respite from the onslaughts of a secular culture as a place to refuel for our real work in preparing a lost world for eternity. This is an idea straight from the pages of God's Word. As women, we are called to keep the home. This doesn't mean necessarily to clean the home or to keep at home. It means to guard as a shepherd would keep or guard his sheep: to lovingly, tenderly manage the home and the people that live there. I see the mother not as a weak doormat of a wife who slaves away to make her husband and children happy, but as the strong guard of her home ready at a second's notice to banish anything or anyone that would threaten the spiritual well-being of her family.

With Joy,
Lady Jen

Favorite Reads and Links

I told you this wasn't an advice blog, but I'm happy to point you to those who do give great advice. With all the great information out there online and in the library (my bookstore of choice!), it is hard to narrow it down to a few favorites, but here are my current picks:

Blogs:
Generation Cedar
--I love how Kelly isn't afraid to tackle the controversial issues that are so relevant to us as homemakers.
Preschoolers and Peace
--Kendra is great at scheduling with virtually "unschedulable" under-fives.
Queen of My Trailer
--"Amanda Livenwell's" pen name describes her joyful attitude. I love the upbeat frugal advice on caring for a home whether it be a mansion or a double-wide.
Keeping the Home
--Candy has a mix of Kelly's willingness to bring up controversy and Kendra's great scheduling ability all with her very own flair, of course. Check out her free e-book on the Joyful Christian Homemaker.
Biblical Womanhood
--We all love Crystal's great frugal tips for keeping the home and meal planning.
Making Home
--Jess has a great blog with really great content. I'm always blessed and encouraged and stretched by her articles.
Simple Mom
--Tsh has a cutting-edge blog for moms that call us to the joy of simple living. A wonderful resource.

Websites:
Hillybilly Housewife
--great for meal-planning on a budget
Don Aslett
--my new greatest motivator and resource for cleaning my castle
Taste of Home
--I love to type in a recipe I need and just print it off. I've never had one of their recipes fail, and the magazine is one of the few I pay to subscribe to.
Anne Elliott
--Anne has compiled many resources we need all in one place from marriage to homeschooling to reaching out to a lost world.

Check out my Shelfari in the sidebar for my all-time favorite books.

There are many more, but I'll save some for later. This will get you started!

With Joy,
Lady Jen

Directions for Moms

Have you ever felt in your parenting as if you didn't know which way to turn? I know I have. Although I'm still at a loss as to how to handle certain situations much of the time, I do have a few directions that are sure to work for you as well as for me.

• Look forward. It's so easy to look back and see all of our mistakes and all of our blunders, isn't it? "I wouldn't have been so harsh in that discipline session if I had it to do over again. I would have been firmer about that so we wouldn't have to deal with this problem now. I wish I would have cuddled my baby more. I wished I would have smiled more and 'picked' less." This mind set will only cause regrets which aren't productive for our parenting. We must look forward like Paul in the New Testament when he aspired to press toward the mark for God forgetting what was behind him.
• Look backward. Though we shouldn't look back with regrets, we can certainly look behind us to see how far we have come. One of my children is very strong-willed, and I can well remember the battles we fought to bend her/his will to ours (and ultimately, God's). While that child is still a work in progress, it is a joy to see how much different he/she is from what he/she used to be.
• Look inward. So many times when I start to deal with a character flaw in one of my children, the Lord points back to me. Sometimes they are just copying something they've seen me do. Other times I have failed to discipline properly or consistently for that action in the past.
  
• Look outward. The best ones to go to besides the Lord and His Word for good parenting advice are those who have "been there, done that" and done it well. I love to talk to parents whose children are grown and serving the Lord joyfully and raising their own families well. The irony is that the more experience a parent has, the less they are willing to advise. Hmmm....maybe wisdom tells us that there aren't any concrete answers after all?
• Look upward. I've already alluded to this and it should go without saying, but the Lord is the only One Who can help us with this parenting thing. We are His children and they are His children. He truly cares and will give wisdom to us if we take time to seek His will.
  

Give some examples of ways that following these directions have helped you in your parenting journey.

Reader Question: Why the title?

In my mailbox, I received this question from one of my feminist friends after she read my blog introduction:

Of all the housewives articles I've read, housewives I've emailed and know, they all 'appear' to be proud to be housewives, why, oh, why do they give themselves titles like a research associate in the field of child development and human relations and queens of castles and other random things. If they wanted to be a research associate, why didn't they study and become one? Most housewives don't live in castle, because very few people these days can afford to have a castle, why call yourselves something which you are not? Isn't that lying, considering most housewives claim to be Christian? If housewives are housewives, why do they have to have a glammed up title, why can't they just accept who they are? Why do they feel the need to compete against working women with a title, which they are not (most times, nowhere near it, academically). It is a unfulfilled dream? Are they unhappy and are trying to make their title make them look something big? Us working women have a title because we worked to having that title. Housewives are called so because they choose to work towards that. My job is a servicedesk analyst, it's what my contract says. I don't call myself anything else. Computer technician, which I am anyway, I build and maintain computers outside of work, so it's who I am. If I ever became a housewife, the chances of this are as slim as the moon or sun colliding with the earth, I wouldn't call myself anything but a housewife. Even if I married I rich man and lived in a REAL castle and had maids/servants, I wouldn't call myself a Queen of the castle, first lady of anything, I would still refer to myself as a housewife. Why the title thing?

My answer:
Although I don't get combative about it or anything, I dislike the term housewife. It suggests that I am married to my house or at the very least that all I am is a caretaker of a home that happens to be married. Your questions are fair questions but they presuppose the following things:

• Who I am is what I do
• Who I am is directly related to the amount of money I can earn

The titles mentioned on this blog are not ones I made up for myself. They are Biblical titles that I and other women following God's plan have been given by God.

God calls me a daughter of the King. That is who I am. I don't need a husband, children or a home or any professional occupation or education to define me. My King is all I need, and in Him I rest content and satisfied in my identity.

That being said, God has blessed me with a husband, and He calls me to be a crown to my husband. He's also given me children and desires that I be a "joyful mother" to them. He has given me the title of keeper of my home. It is difficult to put all of that into one two-word title!

I understand that my reference to my home as a castle could sound idealistic. I find the terms "home"and "castle" to be equally as inviting and important. The home is God's first created organization. When I refer to a castle, it is in the figurative sense. I assumed my readers would know that I don't live in a literal castle since most, if not all, of these are uninhabited now. My intention was not to be untruthful, and I trust it won't disappoint anyone to find out that my header photo is not a picture of my actual home.

One more thing to note is a castle is not the same as a palace. This distinctive difference will be explained more fully in Friday's home post.

Above all, my goal for this blog is to encourage those that wear these God-given titles I've mentioned. The ultimate goal is not to have perfect homes here on earth, but to impact eternity so that we may experience "Joy Ever After" in our Heavenly home. That is no fairy tale!


Readers, do you have any additional things to add to my answer to this reader or any follow-up questions of your own?

Whose House Is It Anyway?

On a beautiful summer day almost ten years ago, my husband and I set up housekeeping. Well, I set up housekeeping. I planned the color schemes, put up decorations, and positioned the furniture. My laid-back husband went along with all of this and life was grand. Until.....until we decided to repaint the living and dining rooms. I envisioned delicate floral wallpaper, transforming the utilitarian rooms into Victorian showcases.

"No." My husband cut my dreams short with a single word. I was a bit stunned. He went on, "I hate wallpaper. It's a pain to put up, and it doesn't look nice as long. We'll paint the rooms."

After a momentary grumble, I could see his point; and I wasn't eager to try out our novice wallpapering skills in my Victorian-style rooms. After all, there was an existing border in the room. I could work with that. My plans switched to soft, feminine paint colors.

"How about a light rose or a periwinkle blue?" I began musing aloud.
"We'll just paint all the rooms an off-white neutral color. We're not going to be here forever, and neutral colors sell better," was my husband's reply to that.

With a sigh, I conceded another excellent point. Off white paint with the floral border that was already there. O.K., I could live with that. But he wasn't finished...

"We'll have to remove or paint over the border that's there. If I try to tape it off when painting, it will ruin it completely since it's already peeling off here and..."

How is it that practical husbands can so easily kill dreams? Being the meek and submissive wife that I am, I smiled sweetly and said, "O.K., Dear" pitched a Christian fit. I was the lady of the house and chief decorator! How was it that my husband, a mere man would even want any say in the beautifying of our home?

The Lord began speaking to me as He has a way of doing. "Whose house it is anyway?" He probed gently. I sighed, "Well, of course it's Yours, Lord, but what does that have to do with anything? I mean, You want us to have an atmosphere of beauty, right? That's my feminine calling to make our home a place of beauty." "So it's My house and yours? Where does your husband come in?" Ouch. I was speechless before the Lord. Which was right where He wanted me--finally listening so He could talk for awhile.

A secular author I read once, called a man's habit of leaving his newspapers strewn on the floor, his shoes in the middle of the room and his coffee mug on the coffee table "marking his territory". Since I don't believe in evolution, I find that a bit demeaning, but there is some merit to it being his home, too.

On a strictly financial level, even if you and your husband pay for your home by making equal amounts of income and putting half each toward the mortgage payment and upkeep, shouldn't he at least have a say in decorating half of the rooms? How many of us wives--working for pay or working at home--let our husband have full control of the planning for 3 out the 6 rooms in our home, or 6 of the 12? That's only fair, right?

The end of the story is that there isn't an end to the story. Our home and our marriage are dynamic. The Lord is always working on us and changing us. Presently, our living room and dining room are painted off-white; however, the kitchen is wallpapered, my husband has his own den in the basement (decorated with brown paneling and carpet--very utilitarian), and I'm picking out soft, feminine paint colors for our upcoming bedroom paint job.

Most importantly, I try not to grumble when I pick up stray socks because I'm gently reminded again that it's his house, too. It's freeing, really. Instead of grumbling and immediately wiping up muddy footprints on my newly mopped kitchen floor, I can greet my husband with a passionate kiss and ask how his day went. Which sounds more fun to you?

What are your ideas for making a house an "ours" house? Please share in the comments!

Once Upon a Blog

Fairy tales. Every little girl dreams of a poor maiden in rags being transformed into a princess. The handsome prince. The beautiful palace. Leaving an old life of drudgery behind and embracing the royal life. Then she grows up, and real life takes over and the fairy tales are a distant memory. I think that's very sad and perhaps the beginning of the destruction of marriages, the family and women living out their Biblical calling. A stretch? I don't think so, because it happened to me.

I was a girl in rags--the rags of my own righteousness. I was transformed by meeting the King of Kings. He sacrificed His own life to make me, a poor wretch, His very own bride. I pledged to love Him and be His forever in gratitude for what He did for me. He provided me with my own handsome prince who loves me with Christ's love. He gave us blessings, three adorable children, to love and train and nurture. He has given me my own castle to keep as the wife of this prince and the mother of these children. I am living a dream come true.

Now, I know feminists will try to tell us differently. And someone will always point out those days when we have a disagreement with our husband, have whiny and disobedient kids or have a mountain of laundry to deal with. However, the key to it all is attitude. I can moan and complain when bad days come...and they will. Or, I can embrace every part of my life with joyful thanksgiving because the good far outweighs the bad.

I'm not here to teach you how to keep a perfectly clean home or how to train your children to always exhibit perfect behavior or how to never be upset with your husband. There's plenty of advice out there. My goal is to reach past the mind, already overloaded with information, to the heart. I'm not the general barking orders or even the recruiter giving advice. I'm in the trenches with you dodging enemy bullets and fighting with all that is in me for my marriage and kids.

If you get nothing else from this blog, I want you to leave with an attitude of JOY! We have much reason for joy, even in the worst of circumstances, because someday we will go away to live with the King of Kings forever--now that is living joyfully ever after!

With Joy,
Lady Jen